“I’m very insecure.” I never thought I’d say it out loud. After all my years of therapy, it seemed impossible for me to feel this way. But that’s exactly how I felt when I shared it with my husband in that vulnerable moment.
Will you admit that you are insecure?
“If I’m truly honest with myself, deep down I’m very insecure.” I said this on May 6, 2025. It’s important for you to know that this feeling is very recent. Why? Because building unshakable self-worth is a daily practice.
stories in our heads
The same day I spoke those words to the room, it turned out that wasn’t true. What was happening was a story I was used to. It started when I was three years old – the first time I thought I wasn’t good enough. That three-year-old girl who always questions her own worth is the one who accepts the kid’s seat at the company table, thinking it’s what she deserves.
The woman who wrote this article is not insecure. She has moments of insecurity, moments of self-doubt, moments of worthlessness. Unlike most people, she is willing to feel them and acknowledge them. Rather than obsessing over them, she recognized the power of allowing these thoughts and feelings to be seen.
Handling perfect or less than
What assumptions come to mind when you think of someone as “insecure”? It’s amazing how we can create meaning around something as simple as a word. We create stories to support this meaning, like an insecure person is a poor leader. In other words, being insecure means you don’t love yourself. (They say you have to learn to love yourself first before someone else can love you. Don’t get me started on this crap.)
Then consider the emotions that accompany that meaning. Do you feel it is a pity? frustration? impatient? Puzzled?
How to communicate with someone who is insecure? Are you walking on eggshells and not wanting to hurt their feelings? Maybe you think of yourself as an alpha and don’t have time to think about this emotional state. Do you see this as a weakness and lose trust?
It’s important to recognize these thoughts, feelings, and beliefs within you. These stories support the stories that are holding you back from breaking away from hustle culture and regaining the freedom of your time. The things you think are driving your success are actually the things that are keeping you from enjoying your success.
How our brains trick us
In order to make sense of all the information we receive, our brains categorize, which can cause us to fall into black-and-white thinking. This view continues to be reinforced. Think about the basic description we use:
- rich or poor
- winner or loser
- success or failure
- Confident or insecure
Or how the media reinforces this:
- Angels and devils on our shoulders
- cancel culture
- Batman and the Joker
These dichotomies leave no room for human complexity. We have the ability to feel many things at the same time. We exist primarily in between. Even considering these extreme cases, assumptions can be made. If you are rich, you are a winner, successful and confident. This means that if you are poor, you will fail, fail and be insecure. There’s no doubt that when we’re at our lowest, we have some, some, or all of those feelings about ourselves. But do we really feel all the good things? By what level of perfection do we measure our worth?
Better Feed Your Brain Intel
Our brains play unkind tricks on us. That’s why it’s so important to clear this nonsense from our minds. See the beauty in everything in between. Try it on for size:
- Rich
- grateful
- angry
- Outstanding
- study
- Worry
- excited
- Disappointed
- hopeful
- grow
Yeah, I put some bad feelings in there because that’s real life. It’s okay to acknowledge them. Because hiding them gives them more power. We don’t want to live in this negativity, nor do we want to deny it. The way to take back your power is to feel them and overcome them. I promise you don’t have to be perfect.
Create safety around imperfection
So when I shared in that moment that I was very insecure, everything inside me felt like that was reality. The black and white thinking my brain used created an inaccurate narrative that resulted in a feeling and belief. But as soon as I said this out loud, the evidence against it came flooding back. It’s not that I’m insecure. The younger version of me is. The woman I am today has my moments of insecurity too. Essentially, I have confidence in myself, my gifts, and my place in the world.
It was because I felt safe enough to share this feeling that I realized it wasn’t true. This opportunity for expression took away my thoughts. Sometimes it’s that simple. Admitting this to my husband, the person I feel most secure with, allowed me to be completely honest. Now imagine how difficult it would be in other dimensions. Can you tell your friends? Your colleagues? Your boss?
Armor’s Weaknesses
In society, we are taught to put on this armor when we go out into the world. We behave flawlessly, are always confident, know everything, never feel pain (unless it’s physical…maybe), and certainly never doubt ourselves. Thanks to social media, we’ve become more comfortable with terms like “imposter syndrome” and occasionally admit to it. But to say we have self doubt? Something that happens outside of work? Hold on to my pearls! Be bold. We can’t do that. In fact, we don’t even want to admit it to ourselves because then the image we’ve built will fall apart like a house of cards. We should be perfect.
This armor is exactly why we need safe spaces where we can be authentically ourselves. Business cards and titles are not only discouraged, they are prohibited. We are more than just roles we play for others. When we have a chance to stop acting, we can breathe. Have you ever noticed how often you hold your breath? Just exhale, haha.
Leave your title at the door
What if I told you that admitting these things is actually the bravest thing you can do? The world doesn’t fall apart when you release it. I understand your work environment may not be suitable for it. Psychological safety is not available everywhere. I know most people think differently than I do. But that’s why you are safe in the space I create. Because no matter how we perform that day, we should feel like we belong.
That’s why I created her suite connector. Your secret door, you hold the key to creating success on your own terms. A safe space for ambitious women of color and allies to come together to learn, grow, share, and be themselves without any performance required. Perfection is not on the agenda.
Because I keep this a safe space, you won’t find a link to join here or anywhere on social media. If you would like an invitation to this table, please send me a message: jackie@inspiredjourneyconsulting.com